Marriage is a journey that requires constant nurturing and quality time. Are you living with your spouse but feeling miles apart? Sadly, many married couples find themselves sharing a home but not a life. The demands of work, children, and daily responsibilities can slowly erode the foundation of even the strongest relationships.

This growing disconnect is not just uncomfortable—it’s dangerous. Research from the Gottman Institute shows that a lack of quality time together is a major predictor of marital dissatisfaction and, ultimately, divorce. Your once vibrant partnership may be at risk without you even realizing it.

But there is hope. As someone who has experienced a decade of marriage, I have learned to recognize the warning signs that a relationship needs more quality time. By identifying these red flags early, you can take action to reconnect and revitalize your bond.

In this blog post, we will cover 21 telltale signs that your marriage is crying out for more meaningful connection. Whether you are newlyweds or celebrating your golden anniversary, these indicators will help you pinpoint areas where your relationship needs attention. More importantly, we will discuss practical strategies to help you and your spouse rediscover the joy of quality time together.

Key Takeaways

1. Many couples live together but don’t spend quality time together.
2. Lack of quality time is a major predictor of marital dissatisfaction.
3. Recognizing the signs early is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
4. This post offers 21 signs and practical strategies to reconnect with your spouse.

What are the 21 Signs Your Marriage Needs More Quality Time Together?

1. Communication Breakdown

This is one of the most common signs your marriage needs more quality time together. One of the first signs I noticed in my own marriage was a gradual breakdown in communication. 

I remember a period in my own marriage when my wife and I were like ships passing in the night. We were under the same roof, but emotionally, we were miles apart. It took recognizing the signs and making a conscious effort to prioritize our relationship to get back on track.

You might find yourself talking less about meaningful topics and more about mundane, day-to-day logistics. When my wife and I were going through this phase, our conversations rarely went beyond “What’s for dinner?” or “Did you pay the electric bill?” We had stopped sharing our dreams, fears, and aspirations. This lack of deep communication can lead to feeling disconnected from your partner.

Set aside 15 minutes each day for uninterrupted conversation. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences from the day. For more insights on improving marital communication, check out these articles on Psychology Today

🌊 Comparing Surface-Level vs. Deep, Meaningful Communication in Marriages 🌟

2. Feeling Disconnected

If you are experiencing this, it’s a clear sign your marriage needs more quality time together. Do you ever feel like you are living parallel lives under the same roof? This sense of disconnection is a clear sign that your marriage needs more quality time.

I recall a period when my wife and I felt more like roommates than spouses. We were physically present but emotionally absent. This disconnection can creep up slowly, often masked by the busyness of daily life.

Plan a weekly date night where you focus solely on each other. It does not have to be elaborate – even a walk in the park or a home-cooked meal can help rebuild your connection.

3. Increased Arguments

If you find yourself bickering more often over small issues, it could be a sign of underlying tension due to lack of quality time. When couples don’t spend enough time together, misunderstandings can multiply, leading to more frequent conflicts.

In my experience, these arguments often stem from feeling unappreciated or overlooked. When we are not investing time in our relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of our partner’s value.

Next time you feel an argument brewing, take a step back. Ask yourself if this is really about the issue at hand, or if it’s a cry for more attention and time together.

4. Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy is not just about physical closeness; it’s about emotional connection too. A decline in both physical and emotional intimacy is often a result of not spending enough quality time together.

My wife and I went through a phase where our intimacy suffered. We were both so exhausted from other unnecessary obligations that we barely had energy for each other. It took conscious effort to prioritize our intimate moments.

Always schedule intimate time together, both physical and emotional. This could be cuddling while watching a movie or sharing a relaxing bath together.

5. Separate Routines

When was the last time you and your spouse did something together just for the fun of it? If you can not remember, it might be because you have fallen into separate routines.

I noticed this in my own marriage when I realized my wife and I were always doing our own thing – I was glued to my laptop while she was engrossed with her work. We had stopped sharing activities and experiences.

Occasionally try to align your routines. Go to bed at the same time, eat meals together, or find a hobby you both enjoy.

6. Prioritizing Other Activities

It’s easy to let work, children, or personal hobbies take precedence over your marriage. If you consistently choose other activities over spending time with your spouse, it’s a red flag.

I’m guilty of this myself. There was a time when I would choose staying glued to my laptop and phone over spending an evening with my wife. It took some honest self-reflection to realize I was neglecting our relationship.

Reflecting on your weekly activities can help you see where your spouse fits in. If they’re not a top priority, it’s a sign that reassessment and changes are needed.

7. Decreased Affection

Remember when you could not keep your hands off each other? If casual touches, hugs, and kisses have become rare in your relationship, it could be a sign you need more quality time together.

Physical affection is a powerful way to maintain connection. My wife and I make it a point to hug each other always, even if it’s just for a few seconds. It’s amazing how such a simple act can make you feel closer.

Deliberately make a conscious effort to increase physical affection. Hold hands while walking, give a quick kiss before leaving for work, or offer a shoulder rub after a long day.

8. Feeling Lonely in the Relationship

Paradoxically, you can feel lonely even when you are married. If you often feel alone despite being in a relationship, it’s a clear sign that you need more quality time together.

I have experienced this loneliness, and it’s a terrible feeling. Imagine how you are surrounded by love, yet you feel isolated. This often happens when couples stop sharing their inner worlds with each other.

You can start by opening up to your spouse about your feelings of loneliness. Be vulnerable and ask for what you need in terms of time and attention.

9. Loss of Shared Interests

When you first got together, you probably had several shared interests or activities you enjoyed doing together. If you can’t remember the last time you engaged in these shared pastimes, it’s a sign you need more quality time.

Make a list of activities you used to enjoy together and choose one to reintroduce into your routine.

10. Difficulty Resolving Conflicts

Every couple has disagreements, but if you are finding it increasingly difficult to resolve conflicts, it could be because you are not spending enough quality time together.

Quality time helps build understanding and empathy, which are crucial for conflict resolution. When my wife and I were spending less time together, our arguments tended to escalate quickly because we weren’t in tune with each other’s feelings.

The next time you have a disagreement, set aside dedicated time to discuss it calmly and openly. Listen to understand, not to respond.

11. Lack of Shared Goals

Do you and your spouse have a shared vision for your future? If not, it might be because you have not been spending enough time discussing and planning together.

Setting and working towards shared goals can be a powerful way to strengthen your bond. My wife and I make it a point to sit down at the start of each year to set both individual and shared goals. It gives us something to strive for together. Tools like the Lasting app can help couples align their goals and improve their marriage daily.

Plan a “vision board” night where you both create a visual representation of your shared dreams and goals.

As we continue to explore the signs your marriage needs more quality time together, remember that recognizing these signs is just the first step. The next crucial step is taking action to address them.

12. Decreased Laughter and Fun

When was the last time you and your spouse really laughed together? If joy and playfulness have disappeared from your relationship, it’s a sign you need more quality time.

Laughter is a great connector. So, consciously injecting more fun into our time together made a world of difference.

Remember to plan a fun activity together – maybe a game night, a comedy show, or even just sharing funny videos you have seen online.

13. Lack of Support for Personal Growth

A healthy marriage should support both partners’ personal growth. If you feel like your spouse is not aware of or supportive of your personal goals, it might be due to a lack of quality time.

I have found that when my wife and I regularly share our individual aspirations, we are better equipped to support each other. It’s about growing together, even as you grow individually.

Always set aside time to discuss your personal goals and how you can support each other in achieving them.

14. Feeling Taken for Granted

Do you often feel unappreciated in your marriage? This could be a sign that you and your spouse are not spending enough quality time acknowledging each other’s contributions.

I have been guilty of taking my wife for granted, especially during busy periods. Now, we make it a point to regularly express gratitude for both big and small things. Marriage.com offers great resources on showing appreciation in your relationship.

Start a daily gratitude practice where you each share one thing you appreciate about the other.

15. Lack of Physical Affection

Physical touch is a powerful way to maintain connection in a relationship. If hugs, kisses, and casual touches have become rare, it’s a sign you need more quality time to reconnect physically.

My wife and I went through a phase where we barely touched each other during the day. Consciously increasing physical affection, even in small ways, helped us feel more connected.

Try the 6-second kiss rule: Kiss your spouse for at least 6 seconds every day. It’s long enough to create a moment of connection. Learn more about the 6-second kiss rule. 

16. Increased Time on Devices

If you find yourselves spending more time on your phones or tablets than interacting with each other, it’s a clear sign you need more quality time together.

Technology can be a major distraction in relationships. My wife and I now have a “no phones arrangement” rule to ensure we are present with each other during our free time..

You can designate “device-free” times each day where you focus solely on each other.

17. Lack of Curiosity About Each Other

Remember when you used to be deeply interested in every aspect of your partner’s life? If you have stopped asking questions and showing curiosity about each other’s thoughts and experiences, it’s time to reconnect.

I have found that maintaining curiosity keeps the relationship fresh. Even after years together, there’s always something new to learn about your spouse.

Occasionally, play the “20 Questions” game with your spouse, asking things you have never asked before or have not asked in a long time.

18. Feeling More Comfortable with Others

If you find yourself more excited to spend time with friends or colleagues than with your spouse, it’s a sign your marriage needs more quality time.

While it’s healthy to have relationships outside your marriage, your spouse should be your primary source of companionship and support. 

Next time you have exciting news or want to share a story, make your spouse the first person you tell.

Ideal Time Distribution Between Spouse, Friends, and Others

You can prioritize spending time with your spouse while still maintaining meaningful relationships with friends and other commitments.

19. Lack of Compliments

When was the last time you complimented your spouse or received a compliment from them? If sincere compliments have become rare in your relationship, it could be due to a lack of quality time and attention.

Compliments are a simple yet powerful way to show appreciation and maintain positivity in a relationship. My wife and I try to compliment each other occasionally, even for small things.

Try and give your spouse a genuine compliment every day for a week and see how it affects your relationship.

20. Lack of Spiritual Devotion

When was the last time you and your spouse sat down together for family prayer or Bible study? If these moments of spiritual devotion have become infrequent, it could be a sign that your marriage needs more quality time together. 

Spiritual activities like these can strengthen the bond between you and your spouse, providing a shared sense of purpose and connection.

My wife and I make it a habit to set aside time each week for these spiritual practices. These moments of devotion help us to stay connected on a deeper level and remind us of our shared values and commitments.

Try to incorporate a dedicated family prayer time or Bible study session into your weekly routine. Even if it’s just for a short period, this shared spiritual activity can bring you closer, enhance your emotional connection, and strengthen your marriage.

21. Decreased Sexual Intimacy

While every couple’s needs are different, a significant decrease in sexual intimacy can be a sign that you need more quality time together. Sex is not just a physical act but an emotional connection that reinforces your bond.

Relationship expert Esther Perel’s blog offers insightful perspectives on maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships.

Consider having an open conversation about your sexual needs and desires. Plan some romantic time together to reconnect physically.

22. Feeling Like Roommates

If you feel more like roommates than romantic partners, it’s a clear sign your marriage needs more quality time. This often happens when couples fall into routine and stop nurturing their romantic connection.

It takes conscious effort to bring back romance into marriage, try not to let it die off.

Plan a romantic gesture for your spouse – write a love letter, plan a surprise date, or recreate your first date.

Remember, recognizing these signs is the first step towards improving your relationship. It’s never too late to start investing more quality time in your marriage. With consistent effort and dedication, you can rebuild the connection and intimacy you desire.

Conclusion: Reconnecting Through Quality Time

After covering these 22 signs your marriage needs more quality time together, you might have recognized some patterns in your relationship. Don’t worry – awareness is the first step towards positive change.

The key is to address these issues proactively. Start small, try even if you can for 15 minutes to get  undivided attention daily it can make a significant difference. Be creative in how you spend time together, and remember that quality trumps quantity.

Regular check-ins with your spouse will help ensure you are meeting each other’s needs as they evolve. With patience and persistence, you can rebuild and deepen your connection.

Your marriage is a precious investment. By dedicating quality time to it, you are not just improving your relationship – you are enhancing your overall happiness and well-being. This is an article to mark our 10 years wedding anniversary this July!

Take that first step today.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How much quality time should couples spend together? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but most relationship experts recommend at least 2-3 hours of undivided attention per week. However, it’s more about the quality of the time spent together than the quantity.
2. What are some easy ways to create quality time in a busy schedule? Try having a coffee together in the morning, taking a walk after dinner, or setting aside 15 minutes before bed to talk about your day.
3. Does watching TV together count as quality time? While it can be a shared activity, it’s not typically considered quality time unless you are actively engaging with each other, discussing the show, or using it as a springboard for conversation.
4. How can we make our date nights more meaningful? Focus on activities that allow for conversation and connection. Try new experiences together, or recreate favorite dates from your early relationship. The key is to be fully present with each other.
5. What if my partner doesn’t seem interested in spending more time together? Communication is key. Express your feelings and needs clearly, and try to understand their perspective. Sometimes, a partner might not realize there’s an issue until it’s brought to their attention.
6. Can too much time together be harmful to a relationship? While quality time is important, maintaining individual identities and interests is also crucial for a healthy relationship. Balance is key.
7. How can we improve the quality of our time together? Focus on being present, minimize distractions, engage in meaningful conversations, try new activities together, and show genuine interest in each other’s thoughts and feelings.
8. What are some signs that the quality time we’re spending is working? You might notice improved communication, increased feelings of closeness, more laughter and enjoyment in each other’s company, and a general sense of satisfaction in the relationship.
9. How can we maintain quality time when we have young children? It can be challenging, but it’s crucial. Try to have regular date nights, even if they are at home after the kids are in bed. Involve the children in activities you can all do together, but also carve out adults-only time.
10. What if we have different ideas of what quality time means? Discuss your expectations and preferences openly. Try to find a middle ground that satisfies both partners’ needs. Remember, compromise and understanding are key in any relationship.