15 Proven Ways to Discern if You Should Marry Someone or Not

Marriage is a life-changing decision that can bring immense joy or profound heartache.

Many people rush into marriage without truly understanding their partner or themselves, leading to disappointment, conflict, and even divorce.

The fear of making the wrong choice can be paralyzing. What if you are not ready? What if your partner is not the right one? These doubts can keep you from moving forward or push you into a hasty decision you might regret.

But there’s hope. By carefully evaluating key aspects of your relationship and personal readiness, you can make an informed decision about marriage.

In this blog, we will cover 15 proven ways to discern if you should marry someone or not. Drawing from my one decade of marriage experience (July 2024 marks our ten years wedding anniversary) , I will share insights to help you navigate this crucial life choice.

Whether you are in a serious relationship, considering engagement, or planning for your future, these strategies will equip you to make the right decision for your life and happiness.

Key Takeaways

1. Assess compatibility in values, goals, and lifestyle before committing to marriage.
2. Evaluate communication skills and conflict resolution abilities as indicators of long-term success.
3. Consider financial compatibility and shared vision for the future to avoid major conflicts.
4. Reflect on personal readiness and emotional maturity before leaping into marriage.

1. Evaluate Your Compatibility

Compatibility is the foundation of a strong marriage. When I first met my spouse, I was struck by how well we got along, even in mundane situations. Here are some aspects to consider:

• Shared interests and hobbies
• Similar lifestyle preferences
• Complementary personalities
• Aligned life goals

It’s not about being identical, but rather finding a balance that works for both of you. Think about your daily routines, how you spend your free time, and what you envision for your future. Do these align with your partner’s?

Different Aspects of Compatibility

2. Assess Your Communication Skills

Effective communication is vital in any relationship, especially marriage. Reflect on how you and your partner handle discussions, disagreements, and difficult topics. Do you:

• Listen actively to each other?
• Express your feelings openly and honestly.
• Resolve conflicts constructively?
• Support each other’s viewpoints, even when you disagree.

I remember early in my marriage, we struggled with communication during arguments. It took time and effort to learn how to express ourselves without escalating conflicts. This skill has been crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship.

3. Examine Your Values and Beliefs

Shared values and beliefs can provide a strong foundation for a marriage. Consider the following:

• Religious or spiritual beliefs
• Political views
• Financial attitudes
• Family planning and parenting philosophies
• Career and education goals

While differences can exist, it’s important to have alignment on core values. My spouse and I come from different cultural backgrounds, but our shared values have helped us navigate challenges and make important decisions together.

Compare Important Values in Your Relationship

4. Assess Financial Compatibility

Money matters can be a significant source of conflict in marriages. Evaluate your financial compatibility by considering:

• Spending and saving habits
• Attitudes towards debt
• Financial goals and priorities
• Transparency about finances

Early in our marriage, we realized we had different approaches to money. It took open communication and compromise to find a system that worked for both of us.

5. Evaluate Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Assess both your own and your partner’s ability to:

• Recognize and manage emotions
• Empathize with others
• Handle stress and pressure
• Adapt to change

I have found that developing emotional intelligence has been key to navigating the ups and downs of marriage. It’s a skill that can be improved over time with practice and self-awareness.

Components of Emotional Intelligence

1. Self-Awareness 🧠
   • Recognize and understand your own emotions
2. Self-Regulation 🌊
   • Manage your emotions healthily
3. Motivation 🎯
   • Drive to achieve goals for the sake of achievement
4. Empathy ❤️
   • Recognize and understand others’ emotions
5. Social Skills 🤝
   • Manage relationships effectively

6. Consider Your Support Systems

A strong support system can greatly impact the success of a marriage. Think about:

• Family relationships and dynamics
• Friendships and social circles
• Professional networks
• Community involvement

When we got married, I was grateful for the support of our families and friends. Their encouragement and advice have been invaluable throughout our journey together.

7. Assess Your Conflict Resolution Skills

How you handle disagreements can make or break a marriage. Reflect on:

• Your ability to compromise
• How do you handle anger and frustration
• Your willingness to apologize and forgive
• Your capacity to find win-win solutions

Learning to resolve conflicts effectively has been an ongoing process in my marriage. It’s not about avoiding disagreements, but rather learning to navigate them constructively.

Step to Healthy Conflict Resolution 

1. Identify the Conflict 🤔  
2. Set Ground Rules 📝 
3. Understand Perspectives 👥 
4. Find Common Ground 🤝  
5. Brainstorm Solutions 💡 
6. Evaluate and Choose Solutions 🏆 
7. Implement the Solution 🚀 
8. Follow-Up 🔄 

8. Evaluate Your Physical and Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy is a crucial aspect of marriage. Consider:

• Your physical chemistry and attraction
• Emotional connection and vulnerability
• Shared affection and romance
• Compatibility in sexual needs and expectations

In my experience, maintaining intimacy requires ongoing effort and open communication. It’s about more than just physical attraction; it’s about cultivating a deep emotional connection.

9. Assess Your Ability to Grow Together

Marriage is a journey of growth and change. Evaluate:

• Your willingness to learn and adapt
• How do you support each other’s personal development
• Your ability to embrace change as a couple
• Your shared vision for the future

Throughout my marriage, we have faced numerous changes and challenges. Our commitment to growing together has helped us navigate these transitions successfully.

10. Consider Your Commitment Level

Marriage requires a deep level of commitment. Reflect on:

• Your readiness for a lifelong partnership
• Your ability to prioritize the relationship
• Your willingness to work through challenges
• Your dedication to your partner’s happiness and well-being

I have learned that commitment is a daily choice. It’s about consistently choosing your partner and your relationship, even when things get tough.

11. Evaluate Your Problem-Solving Skills

Life is full of challenges, and marriage is no exception. Assess:

• Your ability to work together to find solutions
• Your creativity in tackling obstacles
• Your resilience in the face of adversity
• Your willingness to seek help when needed

In my marriage, we have faced numerous unexpected challenges. Our ability to problem-solve as a team has been crucial in overcoming these obstacles.

12. Assess Your Independence and Interdependence

A healthy marriage balances individual identity with togetherness. Consider:

• Your ability to maintain personal interests and friendships
• Your comfort with spending time apart
• Your capacity to support each other’s individual goals
• Your ability to function as a team

Finding this balance took time in my marriage. We had to learn to nurture ourselves while also growing together as a couple.

Balance Between Independence and Interdependence in a Relationship

Remember, finding the right balance between independence and interdependence is crucial for a healthy, lasting relationship. It allows both partners to maintain their identities while also growing together as a couple. Discover tips for maintaining a healthy work-life balance in marriage in our career advice section

13. Evaluate Your Attitudes Towards Compromise

Compromise is essential in any successful marriage. Reflect on:

• Your willingness to meet halfway
• Your ability to prioritize the relationship over personal desires
• Your flexibility in decision-making
• Your openness to trying new things

I have found that the ability to compromise gracefully has been key to maintaining harmony in our marriage.

14. Consider Your Long-Term Compatibility

While immediate compatibility is important, it’s crucial to think long-term. Evaluate:

• Your shared vision for the future
• Your alignment on major life decisions (e.g., where to live, career paths)
• Your compatibility in terms of aging and lifestyle changes
• Your ability to support each other’s evolving dreams and goals

Looking back, I’m grateful that my spouse and I took the time to discuss our long-term goals before getting married. It has helped us stay aligned as we have navigated life’s changes.

15. Assess Your Ability to Handle Stress Together

Life can be stressful, and how you handle it as a couple matters. Consider:

• Your coping mechanisms during tough times
• Your ability to support each other during crises
• Your resilience as a team
• Your capacity to maintain a positive outlook

During particularly stressful periods in our marriage, I have been grateful for our ability to lean on each other and face challenges together.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to marry someone is one of life’s most significant choices. By considering these 15 proven ways to discern if marriage is right for you, you’ll be better equipped to make an informed decision. Remember, there’s no perfect formula for a successful marriage, but understanding these key aspects can greatly increase your chances of a fulfilling, lasting union.

As someone who has experienced the joys and challenges of marriage firsthand, I can attest to the importance of careful consideration before taking this life-changing step. Take your time, be honest with yourself and your partner, and trust your instincts. With thoughtful reflection and open communication, you will be well-prepared to make the right choice for your future.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I know if I’m ready for marriage and not just infatuated? Readiness involves emotional maturity, financial stability, and a deep understanding of your partner beyond initial attraction.
2. What are some red flags that indicate I shouldn’t marry someone? Red flags include consistent disrespect, inability to resolve conflicts, misaligned core values, and lack of trust.
3. How long should I date someone before considering marriage? There is no set time frame, but you should experience various situations together and have deep discussions about future goals.
4. Is it normal to have doubts about getting married? Some doubts are normal, but persistent, significant doubts about your relationship or partner should be addressed before marriage.
5. How important is financial stability before getting married? Financial stability is crucial. Discuss financial goals, habits, and potential challenges before tying the knot.
6. Should we live together before getting married? Living together can provide insights into compatibility, but as believers we are not allowed to live together before getting married.
7. How do I know if our communication styles are compatible for marriage? Observe how you handle conflicts, express emotions, and support each other during both good and challenging times.
8. Is it necessary to have the same interests and hobbies as my partner? Shared interests can strengthen a bond, but having some separate hobbies can maintain individuality within the relationship.
9. How can I tell if my partner and I have compatible life goals? Discuss your visions for career, family, lifestyle, and personal growth. Align on major life decisions and aspirations.
10. What role should family and friends play in my decision to marry? While their opinions can offer valuable insights, the final decision should be based on your judgment and feelings.